he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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