I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
