To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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