that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
