sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
