dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
