Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
