life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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