I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
