WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i think my cat just said my name.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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