did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
