just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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