im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
