I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
