meet me or not, i'm out of control
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
