Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
