Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
