Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
