when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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