Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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