did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
