Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize