Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
