Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
