I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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