He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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