it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
