Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
