If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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