The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
