Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
