I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
