Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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