I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
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Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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