i can't believe i had my finger in that
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
