Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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