MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
