Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just cropdusted the office
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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