I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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