Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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