The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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