if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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