You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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