dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
