But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
