why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
