separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick