Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.