Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
