I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
