The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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