Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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