You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
