I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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