If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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