then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
