It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
