i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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