Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
