His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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