I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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