I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
