Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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