Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
