you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
